What's Your Love Language

I just finished an eye-opening book entitled The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. While the book was written and targeted for married couples, I learned so much from the book about my personality, my past, and how I feel loved.

Chapman divisions for the five love languages are as followed:

• Words of Affirmation

• Physical Touch

• Quality Time

• Receiving Gifts

• Acts of Service

In the book, Chapman delves deep into each of the five languages, citing examples and reasons as to why we may find ourselves drawn to a particular love language. He reasons that each of us has our own love language, and that marriage and relationship problems often arise when we don’t know or understand our partner’s love language.

For example, a husband that showers his wife with gifts constantly yet never spends quality time with her will leave the wife feeling unloved if her primary love language is Quality Time. However, if her love language is Receiving Gifts, then yes, she will feel extremely loved.

After I finished the book, my primary love language became quite clear. My love language is Words of Affirmation. Almost everything I’ve done in my past and continue to do is in hope that someone will tell me “Good job” or “What you did was amazing!” It seems kind of superficial that I rely so much on outward affirmations for my actions, but it is what it is. I really can’t change my love language.

What is your love language? Do you feel loved when someone compliments you or when someone gives you a big hug? Or, do you feel most loved when you spend quality time you’re your friends, partner, or family? Does your heart feel full of love when you are given gifts or when people do acts of service for you?

Think about which love language appeals most to you. Is your heart being filled daily with actions or words that fulfill your particular love language? If not, maybe it’s time to convey your love language to your friends, family, or partner.

On the other hand, are you fulfilling the love languages of those around you? Often we assume that other people have the same love language as ourselves, but this is commonly not the case.

For instance, if my friend’s primary love language is quality time, yet I continue to compliment and encourage her while spending hardly any time with her, I am not fulfilling her particular love language. Instead, I’m assuming (wrongly!) that her love language is the same as mine.

Take time this week to examine your present and past relationships in order to unveil your primary love language. I'm sure it will change your outlook on love. While you're at it, read the book as well!

Here is a link to the Five Love Languages Website for more information

The Five Love Languages